24: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person

I've realized something after looking back on this week's endeavor: Principle 24 is not my strong suit!  I have no personal examples of success - or failure - to share with you.  And, no, I did not sit back and wait until today to think about this week's principle.  Rather, I gave Principle 24 plenty of thought throughout the week and I decided that it goes against my grain a little bit.  You see I'm a perfectionist. I'm Type-A.  Whatever you want to call it, mistakes are bad enough.  Talking about them (and therefore, admitting them to others) is pretty much torture!

Luckily, there's hope for me yet because I have some great leadership role models in my life.  My father is Exhibit A.  My dad visited us this week and he started to help Tyler with his pancakes at breakfast.  Little did my dad know, that Tyler prefers NOT to be helped with his pancakes now.  When my dad poured syrup on Tyler's pancake, my two-year old began to all-out bawl.

You know what my dad did?  He didn't crumble.  He didn't lose his temper either.  Instead, he started to talk about his mistake.  He explained to Tyler that he hasn't visited in awhile and doesn't realize everything that Tyler is capable of now.  I would be lying to say that this completely diffused my toddler but the situation definitely didn't escalate.  And most of us know that this lack of escalation is a sign of success when it comes to two year olds!

So I press on with my journey, knowing full well that each week may not bring a success story.  What I do know is that each week brings an attempt to be better.  As Gandhi said, "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."  Here's to all the learning that is yet to come on this adventure!

Papa and Tyler

#23: Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly

My husband, Alan, and I had a real "date night" this weekend to celebrate our 5th anniversary.   Alan is a huge supporter of my blog project so we discussed Principle 23 as we walked along the river.  Our conversation made Principle 23 crystal clear to me!  A few months ago, I told you all that we were taking part in a "Love & Logic" parenting class.  One of the most interesting lessons we learned during that time involved how to conduct "quiet time" (similar to a time-out) with our toddler, Tyler.  The Love & Logic instructors emphasized that we should not explain to Tyler why he was in "quiet time" or what he did wrong.  This, they assured us, would be insulting to our two-year old.  He knows what he did wrong the minute a time-out happens!

WOW! If a two-year old knows what he did wrong, then certainly adults do too.  If we are insulting a two-year old's intelligence by pointing out his mistakes, then what must we be doing to adults when we call attention to their errors?

I recently had an experience where one of the professionals in our firm needed credit hours quickly before the deadline approached.  Although he had known about this deadline for two years, we were still scrambling to see if he had any other hours that we could report.  The teacher and mother in me wanted to lecture this individual.  "Why did you wait to the last minute?"  Instead, I just helped.  I evaluated his coursework, completed the paperwork necessary to submit some additional hours, and breathed a sigh of relief when we received an e-mail confirming that everything was in order.  I also received an e-mail from the individual with these simple words: "You rock!  Thank you."

I would take Principle 23 one step further.  Sometimes we don't even need to call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.  We just need to help in whatever way we can.  What will we do to help each other this week?