Don't Try to Saw Sawdust (and a temporary good-bye)

One of my Dale Carnegie mentors checked in with me this week.  In my response to him, I mentioned how I've been worrying about Tyler's transition to being a big brother.  Then it hit me... this "how to stop worrying and start living" stuff will always be a work in progress for me!  It's not really about stopping worry - it's more about managing it.  Or, at least, it is for me.  And this week is yet another principle that could serve me well.

We've heard all the cliches: don't cry over spilt milk, what's done is done, c'est la vie... Dale Carnegie says, "Let the past bury its dead. Don't try to saw sawdust."  This is tough for me because I am the classic over-analyzer.  I think about a decision long after it has been made.  "Maybe I should have done this" or "Maybe I should have done that."  Life is too short!  As Eleanor Roosevelt said,

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.

And speaking of gifts, it is time for me to take a break from this blog as I anticipate the arrival of Baby Gift in the coming days.  Please know that I will be practicing these stress and worry principles more than ever in the next few months - I just won't be formally documenting them here.  It is time for me to practice what I preach (or, in my case, teach).  One of the principles yet to come is "Rest before you get tired."  That is what I intend to do by taking a break from writing.  This blog is a source of joy for me and I want to keep it that way!  I will be focusing on my expanded family for awhile now and I plan to return to you more committed than ever.  So stay tuned, my friends!

For now, this is the Gift List signing off...

Put a "Stop-Loss" Order On Your Worries

May I start by saying that I'm really good at giving something more anxiety than it deserves. That's a definite talent of mine!  Dale Carnegie said, "Put a 'stop-loss' order on your worries. Decide just how much anxiety a thing may be worth - and refuse to give it anymore." I often find myself looking back on a situation and realizing that very little of what I worried about actually happened.  What a waste of energy that I could have used elsewhere! This phenomenon especially happens in the parenting side of my life...

Elizabeth Stone once said, "Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."  Tyler recently transitioned from the toddler room to the preschool room at his school.  I lost some sleep in the days leading up to this transition.  Tyler would be leaving behind familiar friends and teachers.  There would be new classmates, new teachers and a new schedule for Tyler.  How would he handle it?  Would he cry when we dropped him off?  Would he be exhausted when we picked him up?  Etc., etc.

One month later and it turns out that Tyler was absolutely fine; 99% of my worries were unfounded.  This experience reinforced a couple valuable lessons. 1) Children are more resilient than we give them credit for and 2) this mama worries too much!

As I prepare to enter Round 2 of parenthood (all while continuing Round 1), I plan to work on putting a stop-loss on my worries.  If successful, I know following this principle will help me enjoy parenthood - and therefore life - a little more.

Cooperate with the Inevitable

This week at work held a jam-packed schedule of "office visits."  In other words, we had several college students visiting our firm for second interviews.  Before the students can enjoy their visits, one big scheduling puzzle has to happen behind the scenes.  My co-worker and I spent hours personalizing each person's schedule and accomodating their individual requests.  Then, we had at least three people change their minds regarding what would work best for their schedules and we had another two "back out" due to accepting offers elsewhere.  Cooperate with the inevitable, Marisa.  You certainly cannot control the minds and behaviors of twenty-two year olds!

On the homefront, Friday morning brought Week 6 of Tyler's tumbling class at the Y. Week after week, I have taken Tyler to this class where he does not participate until the last minute and seems to enjoy himself very little.  When we arrived at the tumbling room this week, Tyler bolted out the door and down the steps of the Y.  Marisa, cooperate with the inevitable.  Tyler doesn't seem to like tumbling class - why do you care?  You know what?  I don't care!  I asked Tyler if he would like to leave and he said "yes."  So we headed to story time at the library instead and had a great time listening to stories and coloring pictures.

Dale Carnegie quotes Mother Goose:
For every ailment under the sun,
There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it;
If there be none, never mind it.

Take a deep breath.  We can't control everything... and that's ok.  That's life!

A Law That Will Outlaw Many of Your Worries

I have been blessed to travel many places in my life.  From family vacations across the country while growing up to studying abroad in Italy during grad school, I have stepped on a plane numerous times. Flying never caused me anxiety until three years ago... when I became a mom.  I experience anxiety now when I fly - I think because there is so much more at stake.

This past December I flew to Boston for a Dale Carnegie certification training.  While there, I read a newspaper headline about the fatality rate for flying in 2011.  I learned that one person in 7.1 million passengers died last year as a result of flying.  One in 7.1 million.  Those are pretty good odds for staying alive and kickin'!

Now whenever I board a plane and the anxiety starts to set in, I remember that statistic.  It's a lifesaver for my sanity!  As Dale Carnegie said, "You and I could probably eliminate nine-tenths of our worries right now if we would cease our fretting long enough to discover whether, by the law of averages, there was any real justification for our worries."

The next time you find yourself worrying, stop for a moment and really think about your odds.  Ask yourself, "What are the chances, according to the law of averages, that this event I am worrying about will ever occur?"  Hopefully you can take a deep breath and enjoy where the journey takes you that day!