#29: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct

Have I told you that Dale Carnegie's principles have stood the test of time?  He first started teaching his classes in New York City a century ago in 1912.  Still, the "wordsmith" in me feels the need to "tweak" the wording of one of his principles every now and then based on my experiment.  Here's the edited version for this week: "#29: Use encouragement."  PERIOD.  It's as simple as that.

As the mother of a two-year old, I find that encouragement (both giving and receiving!) is needed all the time whether mistakes are involved or not.  My son is an extremely independent little boy and wants to do everything on his own.  This personality trait was heightened this week since Tyler was under the weather.  He still wanted to do everything on his own but he had less patience and energy than normal to do so.  This meant that mama had to dial up the encouragement!  For example, Tyler became extremely frustrated when trying to plug the vacuum into a childproof outlet.  I explained to him that this outlet wasn't like other outlets, offered to help him, and watched his little body become energized just as the vacuum roared to life.

Luckily, I think encouragement may be contagious.  Being the hormonal pregnant woman that I am, I was on the receiving end of some encouragement from Tyler this week also.  At one point, I was sitting on the couch and having a good cry over nothing.  Tyler crawled up on the couch, gave me a big hug, and patted my back.  Of course, he also said, "All done, Mommy" so I may have a few more encouragement lessons to teach...

Young or old, tired or energized - we all need encouragement.  Let's remember this fact as we go on our ways this week.

#28: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to

I was lucky enough to experience both sides of Principle 28 at work this week.  In my opinion, this principle is another simple step that we can take that will often lead to big results.  In fact, it reminds me a lot of Principle 21 - Throw down a challenge!

I led a short training for a group of individuals at our firm this week covering John Miller's QBQ! book.  In a nutshell, QBQ! (Question Behind the Question) is about taking ownership of your life and accepting personal responsibility.  At the end of the training,  I told this group that they each need to report back in two weeks with one example of how they put the QBQ technique into action in their lives.  I told them that I knew they would each make our organization more effective as a result!  Only time will tell the results of giving this group a fine reputation to live up to...

I know this principle definitely kicked me into high gear this week when a partner, knowingly or unknowingly, used it on me.  We are in the beginning stages of developing a soft skills training initiative for our firm.  When getting the green light from one of our firm leaders, he said "I have all the confidence in the world in Marisa and I expect to see something on my desk by August 1st."  Now he was kidding about the timeline but he was serious about the sentiment.  I could feel it.  And it made me want to run right back to my desk and get to work!

So I speak from definite experience this week... Principle 28 works.  Give someone a "jump start" this week by giving them a fine reputation to live up to!

#27: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise

I was on vacation this week and spent the majority of my time at my grandparents' cabin along the banks of the Missouri River in South Dakota.  I had very little cell phone coverage and no e-mail access!  So I suppose you could say that I practiced Principle 27 in an environment more similar to what Dale Carnegie was accustomed to in 1936 when he published the book.

Principle 27 is yet another principle focusing on praise and my two-year-old son, Tyler, was the main subject of my experiment this week.  Tyler thrives on praise and he is refreshingly honest about this fact.  For example, he asks that his "baby monkey" (stuffed animal) or "lovey" (small security blanket) watch him perform certain activities such as using the potty or playing with his toy tractor.  Even more, he asks them to clap at his accomplishments!  In fact, at supper just tonight Tyler exclaimed "Yay Tyler!!" and started clapping when he managed to spear a piece of penne pasta on to a fork. Of course, Alan and I followed suit and quickly joined in the applause!

Tyler's behavior this week has left me thinking... somewhere along the line it becomes socially unacceptable for us to ask for praise (or to praise ourselves, for that matter).  Chances are though that the majority of adults crave praise just as much as Tyler does.

So make someone's day this week and offer them a healthy dose of praise.  Give them the "kudos" they are silently desiring!

Tyler driving the boat for the first time as his great grandpa supervised - praise galore followed!

26: Let the other person save face

My parents visited on Friday afternoon and made us a fresh container of sun tea.  In the middle of my first glass, I told my mom how refreshing it tasted on such a hot day.  When I stepped inside for a minute, I found giant puddles of liquid covering our kitchen floor and I thought for sure our refrigerator had finally run its last leg.  But when I opened the fridge door, I saw that the entire container of sun tea was empty. The handle had somehow flipped into the "on" position - resulting in sun tea in every nook and cranny of the fridge as well as puddling up on the floor.  Ugh!  My mom and dad quickly started helping me sop up the damage with rags.  And my dad even commented on how those containers just aren't made well.  In other words, they both let me save face.  No operator error here - this was obviously the container's fault!

At work this week, my colleague, Katie, and I proactively worked to let our coworkers save face as well.  We helped to coordinate a panel of partners to share their thoughts on networking.  We asked the 50 attendees to come prepared with questions or send them to us in advance.  We received a whopping one person's questions beforehand (thanks to that individual - you know who you are!).  We were greeted with a lot of silence throughout the session when we asked if people had any questions.  Luckily, Katie and I had prepared a list of questions in advance to spark conversation.  As a result, the panelists had plenty to talk about and the attendees were on the receiving end of some helpful information.

When searching for an image to accompany this week's principle, I came across this sign about kindness.  I think it sums up all of Dale Carnegie's principles in addition to #26.  My prayers are with many people right now who are fighting some immense battles in their lives.  So the next time an entire container of sun tea lands on your floor, remember that someone is fighting a much harder battle at that exact moment.  This week let's let the other person save face.  Or put more simply, let's just remember to be kind to each other.