#21: Throw down a challenge

I must start by saying that my husband, Alan, is the king of Principle 21.  He is constantly throwing down the challenge to Tyler, our two-year old son.  It usually involves some sort of competition.  "Tyler, I'll race you to the potty!" Or "Tyler, I bet I can eat a bigger bite of this orange than you." And the list goes on.  I wish you all could see the results in person.  It usually consists of a two-year old blur running across our house.  The proof is in the pudding, my friends!

Recently, I decided to put this principle to work (literally).  I have a great group of colleagues who help me plan our firm's audit training calendar each year.  This spring we decided that the best way to choose necessary topics was to go straight to the source and ask people what they wanted/needed.  The only problem was when we've asked for input in the past the results have been slim to none.  I added a simple line to the end of my e-mail message this time: "We are challenging you to send us ideas and we look forward to seeing the results!"

The results were a half dozen substantive, extremely helpful responses.  Quite the improvement from zero!  And now we have a full audit training calendar to show for it.

So whether it's with your children or your coworkers, throw down the challenge.  And watch the results come running in!

#20: Dramatize your ideas

As someone who is self-proclaimed "cheesy," Principle #20 was pretty much made for people like me.  Anyone who knows me will attest to this fact!  What you might not know is that Principle 20 is also made for you!

We live in a world of drama now.  Look no further than the evening news.  For example, we no longer have Channel 3 News in Omaha - we have "ACTION 3 News!"  Sometimes it's enough to make me turn off the TV.  I think our world shows us that there's a time and place for Principle 20.  Let me share a couple successful uses that I've witnessed lately.

A few weeks ago, the firm where I work had its annual karaoke concert.  Every new employee at the firm is required to sing a song that has been chosen by their colleagues.  Most people (me included) just try to survive.  This year was a little different thanks to a couple employees who took Principle 20 to the extreme.  They completely dramatized their songs from re-writing the lyrics to suit them perfectly to hiring a soprano sax player to belt out the interlude.  It was AMAZING - and people are talking about their performances to this day.  There was no just getting by for these two -- they dramatized their ideas and won over their audience as a result!

On a personal note, I was giving Tyler, my two-year old son, underdogs in his swing this weekend.  He said he wanted "a big one."  I stretched my arms as wide as they can go and replied, "Do you want a GIANT one, Tyler?"  Tyler's face lit up and he kept repeating "GIANT" with his arms stretched wide.  Just living proof that this dramatization stuff works!  Tyler added a new word to his vocabulary and he obviously believed what I was proclaiming with all his heart!

I would be lying to say that I don't use Principle 20 every day. It's part of being a cheeseball... and a mom. But this week reminded me that Principle 20, used in moderation, can work wonders on many audiences. Have you added a little drama to your life lately?

A GIANT Underdog!

#19: Appeal to nobler motives.

Sometimes I think you can definitely tell by the wording of these principles that "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was written by Dale Carnegie in 1936!  When I hear "Appeal to nobler motives," I imagine a cowboy with a tall, white hat walking into the saloon... Of course, the white hat tells you that he's the good guy!

When listening to participants' group discussions in our Dale Carnegie session this week, I was reminded of how often people struggle with motivating others.  This week, we were talking about managing stress and several people mentioned the need to motivate others as a source of stress in their lives.  Luckily, they are about to start testing out principles such as #19.  I remember a  Kum & Go (convenience store) manager from a few classes ago sharing his story of how appealing to the nobler motives of his staff worked wonders.  They went from not doing their jobs to doing them quickly and spotlessly all because he took the time to say, "I know you're a hard worker and I know you'll do a good job."  Most people aspire to be seen as good at what they do - so these employees rose to the challenge (this is also a preview of Principle #21 in two weeks - "Throw down a challenge!").

In my own life, my husband and I use Principle 19 with our two-year old son, Tyler, on a daily basis.  "You're a big boy, right Tyler? So let's see you use the potty, let's see if you can eat this big bite of growing food, let's see if you can wash your hands by yourself..."  I can't say we've had the same success record as my Kum & Go friend but Principle #19 works enough for us to keep trying it toddler-style. After all, Tyler aspires to be a "big boy!"

How about you?  Have you appealed to someone's nobler motives lately?  Go ahead - give someone a white hat to wear and just watch how they surprise you.

#18: Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

For the first thirty years of my life, "sympathy" was a word that I mostly associated with condolence cards.  That is, until I "met" Dale Carnegie.  I now know that sympathy is something we should offer to people on a daily basis - not just in the most dire of circumstances.  This week I saw two distinct instances of sympathy in my world:

• The first form of sympathy is one that I tried to offer at work this week.  On Thursday, our firm completed its upward evaluation process in which employees have the opportunity to evaluate management.  In those instances where I had constructive feedback for people, I made sure to follow its name and make the suggestions "constructive."  I put myself in the other's shoes.  For example, I know that I appreciate examples when someone offers me feedback so I made sure to include specific instances to help the evaluatees understand my thoughts.  I tried to be sympathetic to their ideas - what would best allow them the opportunity to use my feedback?
• The second form of sympathy I saw this week was by observing others.  I had the opportunity to attend the Berkshire Hathaway annual meeting with my dad.  In other words, I enjoyed the friendly banter of Warren and Charlie for a few hours on Saturday!  My dad told me as we walked in that this meeting is often called the "Woodstock" of shareholder meetings.  I was amazed at how candid these richer-than-rich men were with the people in the room.  They answered question after question from everyday people such as myself.  And they do this every year.  I see no better way to be "sympathetic" to others' ideas and desires than to know firsthand what those ideas and desires are for people.  Bravo, Warren Buffet.  You are a true Dale Carnegie graduate (and for the record, Warren did mention his Dale Carnegie certificate in the annual video this year.)!

When was the last time we were truly sympathetic toward someone in a way that didn't involve Hallmark?  Sympathy is more than just an emotion for greeting cards. It's something we should take to heart every day.

The Dale Carnegie certificate that hangs on the wall in Warren Buffet's office!